Freedom

So much has happened lately that I know I’m going to miss out on something but I’ll do my best to convey it all. I’ll start with the first big thing that impacted me. In August, around the time of my last post, I came to the realization that I had been stifling the Holy Spirit’s voice. I had started to become tired, bitter, depressed. I realized I needed to start opening myself up to Him again but was afraid to.

In September, I went with the Mandate to an event called the Crossing (this is basically a time where we allow the students about a week in the mountains to connect with God and with each other; they share their life stories, being incredibly vulnerable, and through it all, start on the journey of healing past wounds). While there, I feel like I finally allowed myself to open up to the Holy Spirit again and to listen to His voice. As I did, I heard Him calling me to more obedience.

I had been feeling for a while that I was being called to a 21-day period of fasting. So, near the end of September, I did a 7 day full fast, followed by a 14 day Daniel-fast. I started off with a focus of wanting to see the Lord move in some areas (family, finances, and romance). By the end, I realized that I had simply not been trusting Him in these areas.

A week after my fast ended, I was at a leadership conference for my church. Some people were there offering prophetic ministry, so I took them up on it. This guy spoke right to what I needed to hear. It was so good. After he got done talking with me, I sat down and started to pray.

I felt like the Lord was asking me to do something. I realized that I still hadn’t truly released this girl to Him and trusted Him with this situation. As I started trying to do that, I started to lose control of my body. Long story short, I ended up paralyzed on the floor. A couple guys from my church and their leader came back where I was and prayed for me and, as they prayed, they set me free from my past sins, guilt, hurts, shame, and so much more.

Just to be clear, I think that the act of me submitting to God by giving Him this situation with this girl was nothing more than a catalyst; an act of complete submission, if you will, as this was the thing that I was holding onto the tightest. By not trusting God with this, I had subconsciously not been trusting Him with many things, allowing the enemy a foothold in my life. By giving Him the thing I desired most, I gave Him control of all my desires. Now that the Lord has control, I am finally free.

Lately, I’ve been feeling the Lord’s presence so much more. I’m having amazing times of worship. I can connect so much better. More importantly, I feel like the Lord is really growing in me His compassion for people. When I see people hurting, I hurt. When I see them joyous, I’m so happy. It’s unbelievable and I hope that it continues.

Final thoughts: I still need a lot of money for my trip to Zambia. If you feel like you can help in any way, please contact me or check out my Facebook event for more info.