If I thought that I had faced a lot of issues and had a lot of growth during the last seven months in the Mandate Discipleship program, I've gotta say, the month since has been when I'm really seeing growth. It's like the Mandate was a cultivation and this last month has been the growth. Some of what i'm going to talk about is a bit personal (hopefully not too much so), but I process things better when I write or talk so this is as much for me as it is for you.
This is a random switch of topic but I want to take a moment to thank everyone back in Vincennes who helped me during the first 25 years of my life in walking with Jesus. Specifically, Bob and Katherine, Wendell and Lynette, David Swank, and Herb Coates. If you hadn't laid a solid foundation in my life, I wouldn't be where I am today. While I'm on the topic of thankfulness, I want to thank my home church in Vincennes for supporting me in prayer and financially during my time in Oregon and Africa.
Ok, back on task. I feel it's necessary to give you all a little update on my future plans. I'm working during the summer to try to save money up for this coming Mandate year. In September, I will be the academic dean for the school (in charge of coordinating all the curriculum). This will take up most of my time. I'll probably only be able to work about 15 hours a week (if I'm lucky). I also plan to lead a team from Mandate to India in January for two months (tentatively, depending on finances and other circumstances). After Mandate this coming year, things get to be a bit blurry but some things I'm hoping to see in the next few years: Marriage =), something called CPX (training in how to do church planting), and then some longer-term work in India or the middle east.
Some areas I've been growing in lately are, well, mostly emotional things. I'll say, I used to really not much care for myself. I'm discovering a love of myself through Christ. I love who He created me to be and how He is redeeming me. Some things I've learned are that I base almost every decision on tangible truth (facts, knowledge, measurable research, etc). The weird thing is, I base my knowledge base on trust and my trust is based on feelings. So, ultimately, my life is dictated by a checks and balance system of feelings and facts. Well, that's probably not that interesting for you but still, it was an epiphany for me (today actually).
I've really grown in putting my basis for confidence and for love in God instead of others affirmations lately. I still have a way to go in this area but I have made leaps and bounds from a year ago. Also, I'm realizing I don't hear from the Lord quite as clearly as I would like. I'm trying to grow a lot more in this area. I think my biggest struggle right now is to enjoy the single life. For the last year, I've felt like God had told me a specific person for who I was to marry. About a month or two ago, I started to really question that. About two weeks ago, I realized that I had fabricated feelings for this person based upon my belief in what God had said. Upon this realization, any and all desire for this person vanished. It was actually very freeing. Ironically, the day I realized this, she started dating one of my best friends =) I am truly really happy for them both and I feel very excited about them dating and in my spirit it just feels right for them to be together.
I can't say for sure that I totally mis-heard God on this subject, though, because struggling with this the last seven months has sparked soooo much growth in trusting and loving and depending upon God. I know it was used for my good. There was one other thing that really helped me get over this...fogginess, I guess you'd call it, but that's still something I'm sorting out and can't go into details yet (yes there is a limit to my openness).
One final thing, I've realized I really love to teach people about the Bible. I'm actually getting some opportunities to in my church here pretty soon. But I really like teaching in small groups, informally. Sorry this whole blog is so random but I keep putting off writing stuff and I had to rush it. Sad thing is, I've still got so much more to say but I'm out of time.
